new things coming!!!

So... the eyrie's been a little quiet lately. Only a little.

But not for long!

New things have been happening! For instance.. there are a few pages to check out up there ^^

the burd - a little about me

the up-and-coming-hatchlings - news about stuff I'm working on writing right now

the news - general updates and such so that I don't have to clutter up the eyrie with news posts! I'll be updating this pretty regularly...

the books - list of books I love

the music - same as above but with songs.

There's more to come... I've been working on a new template design... (check out my picture on my profile page to catch a glimpse of what's to come...) and I have lots of things to post but no time to edit and type them up! So they'll slowly make their way here... eventually :)

But anyways.

This season seems to be a weary time, a trudging-slowly-trying-to-keep-going time. A time to grow and live and hurt and reach for something better, something brighter, something holier than before. A time to learn to walk upon our wings.

From what I'm reading and hearing, it seems like some of you are also there.

Frustration - a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs; the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.*

I read that today and sighed.

Having needs, knowing what those needs are, and getting them met are three totally different things. Insecurity has roots in communication, confidence, competence, and contentment. Dissatisfaction leads to bitterness, and annoyance to irritability.

Not a good mix for one who wants to be good.

...

Psalm 17 (NIV)

1 Hear, O LORD, my righteous plea;

listen to my cry.

Give ear to my prayer—

it does not rise from deceitful lips.

2 May my vindication come from you;

may your eyes see what is right.

3 Though you probe my heart and examine me at night,

though you test me, you will find nothing;

I have resolved that my mouth will not sin.

4 As for the deeds of men—

by the word of your lips

I have kept myself

from the ways of the violent.

5 My steps have held to your paths;

my feet have not slipped.

6 I call on you, O God, for you will answer me;

give ear to me and hear my prayer.

7 Show the wonder of your great love,

you who save by your right hand

those who take refuge in you from their foes.

8 Keep me as the apple of your eye;

hide me in the shadow of your wings

9 from the wicked who assail me,

from my mortal enemies who surround me.

10 They close up their callous hearts,

and their mouths speak with arrogance.

11 They have tracked me down, they now surround me,

with eyes alert, to throw me to the ground.

12 They are like a lion hungry for prey,

like a great lion crouching in cover.

13 Rise up, O LORD, confront them, bring them down;

rescue me from the wicked by your sword.

14 O LORD, by your hand save me from such men,

from men of this world whose reward is in this life.

You still the hunger of those you cherish;

their sons have plenty,

and they store up wealth for their children.

15 And I—in righteousness I will see your face;

when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.

Psalm 25 (NIV)

1To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

2 in you I trust, O my God.

Do not let me be put to shame,

nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one whose hope is in you

will ever be put to shame,

but they will be put to shame

who are treacherous without excuse.

4 Show me your ways, O LORD,

teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,

for they are from of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth

and my rebellious ways;

according to your love remember me,

for you are good, O LORD.

8 Good and upright is the LORD;

therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9 He guides the humble in what is right

and teaches them his way.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful

for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,

forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?

He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

13 He will spend his days in prosperity,

and his descendants will inherit the land.

14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;

he makes his covenant known to them.

15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,

for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;

free me from my anguish.

18 Look upon my affliction and my distress

and take away all my sins.

19 See how my enemies have increased

and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me;

let me not be put to shame,

for I take refuge in you.

21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,

because my hope is in you.

22 Redeem Israel, O God,

from all their troubles!

...

On a lighter note, here are some random happy pictures from the last couple of weeks!

A lovely bracelet from my grandparents for Easter... I love it!

Greasy hands from robotics! I like making/fixing the chains on our robot... they're similar to bicycle chains... very greasy... but I like the way they feel. So anytime a chain needs to be fixed, I'm the one they call... the mentors tease me for being a girl who doesn't mind getting her hands dirty. :D

Some drawings that I did while trying to come up with ideas for the new blog design:

I'm not using either of these, but these are similar to my final decision... which I'm not showing you until it's done :P

My desk during online class... complete with oatmeal, yogurt, and orange juice...

My new little succulent... it's called a "Powder Puff"... and it's supposed to be soaked with water every once in a while instead of sprinkled with water daily. Which I like.

My new shoes! I love them! I've always wanted a pair of Converse... and we got yellow so that I could wear them for my robotics team (whose colors are blue and yellow).

Some pretty pictures from the beach...

And... drumroll please... a picture of my team's robot! Beach 'Bot 2010!

Enjoy :)

*(Definition is a combination of M-W.com and Oxford American Dictionaries)

Practicing Relationships.

I sense a tension between the ideal of authenticity and the desire for others' good will. I wonder, do we really want to know others' true state of heart? Or would we, would I, rather just have them lie to me so that I feel appreciated--so that I feel accepted? I might readily accept the latter, I find to my dismay.

Are we supposed to outwardly appear to accept what inwardly we despise, in an effort to love?

From the one side, it's so hard sometimes to put kindly what I mean kindly--to let someone know that what they do offends me. Not that it's not worth it; I'm trying to figure out if it is worth it. If it is--then I must at least try to do it.

My struggle is that if they don't understand, it's so difficult to make amends. And if they do understand--it's still usually difficult to make amends. It seems to break relationships rather than fix them. But perhaps the breaking is part of the fixing--like re-breaking a broken arm that is healing crooked.

From the other side--in thought I would rather have someone tell me the truth, but in reality I am not sure. If the person loves me, cares enough to put it kindly, and help me learn to do better, than I would welcome it. If the person does not care, then in the first place he or she probably wouldn't bring it up, but in the second place would not try to say it kindly and probably hurt me.

How is love supposed to show itself? Is it more loving to gruffly let someone know I don't care--or to appear to listen while inwardly seething? How disgusting that I must ask the question.

...

How confusing our way of talking is! Yet it's so plain, teasing. We pretend to offend, pretend to be offended, and underneath the whole we love each other. And where we have to try to be kind, have to appear to accept--there often is the person we struggle the most accepting, and who senses it the least.

How strange it would be to talk without a mask, that really isn't a mask. Is a transparent mask so bad? Those who know me see through it, and those who don't don't care, usually.

...

I wonder why we don't notice the little things that show others we love them. Things so simple, so easy--but they require stepping out of our comfort zones, letting down our hair a little, letting go the "that's mine!" mentality, opening up. I never realized how private we are, how mine I've made the things I claim.

I wonder what meeting an open soul would be like--someone whose heart was open, and welcoming--and no matter what happened there--loving. Who knew when and how to overlook, and when and how to be overlooked.

Noel (which just so happens to be part of my name...)

Sit still.
The silence
wants
a word.

...


Christmas.
The lull before the storm.
The time of preparation,
of promises kept
and of hopes lost.
Of all our dreams crashing
around our heads
and our souls coming to life.

Christmas.
The times we'll never have again
but have forever.
The warmth of reconciliation.
The icy distance of self.
The cheer-coated pinpricks.
The awkward "family" hug--
but it's alive
warm-blooded.

Christmas.
Songs--
of hope and of despair.
Of the burden falling off--
and realizing the burden was there.

Christmas.
Make room.
Scoot over.
Move out of the way for the King.

Christmas.
Let go.

Christmas.
Watch.
You'll never see this again.
Ever.
You can't rewind, fast-forward--
this is now.
Life is now.

Where will the Christ-child be this year?

Sea of Red.

Hello and warm greetings--

I write at precisely 2:13 am from a dorm room in Hope Hall at Biola. I must say (no, but I will say) that I love it here. I feel welcome here. And, somehow, at home again. Especially at Singspiration. Dude (somehow that keeps creeping back into my vocab *glares*), if worship was always like that, I'd never leave. I'd lose my hearing after two months, but I'd never leave.

It would be so awesome if I could stay here.

I'm quiet tonight, wrestling with some hard thoughts. You, my dear eyrie, are probably going to hear them soon.

BUT I am too tired tonight (this morning??) and posting right now would probably not be wise.

So, just an update.

Last week I found that working outside helps me jumpstart my homework.

Tonight I found that college kids + worship team + gym = amazing worship. Humble worship. Joyful worship.

Tonight I also found that one of the showers in Hope Hall doesn't drain... *groan*

I wonder if I should have said "last night" instead of tonight. Oh well :-D

Midnight Madness--so much fun. I am officially hoarse, but I proudly still carry my red pom-pom...

Love and good morning.

The bird.

The Flapping Endeavors of A Jumbled Mind.

Warm greetings to all—

So: Spaghetti Dinner passed remarkably well! We had a fun night, lots of leftovers (spaghetti at least enough for two dinners = YUM), and made a record for ticket-sales.

Onward and upward! I’m not going to apologize, because I like jumbledy posts, but I will warn you at least that I’m leaving this in my “language”—

I’ve found lately (okay, maybe not just lately but more lately) that my life tends to be jumbledy. And I like jumbledy. Problem: I need more order. I need more, consistent quiet time. I need to be still and listen to God—and my crazy haphazard way of finishing homework and chores leaves me just enough time to check all my email and websites but not enough to seriously think about God.

So I’m cutting out Internet for a week.

Starting tomorrow, I will not get on the Internet except for class. I will not check email, I will not go on websites: I will work on getting life in order. I’m going to see (as someone wiser than I once advised) what taking this out of my system does for me.

So before I take the dive, I’m going to celebrate my jumbledyness for what it is—this season in my life for what it’s been.

First. I just got an amazing new piano piece—Chopin’s Prelude in F# minor, Op. 28, No. 8. It moves me—the whirling, passionate 32^nd notes (32^nd notes!!! That’s what I said…) make my heart speed up, cause my breath to catch—

I love the piano.

However, my piano teacher groaned when she first saw it… “You HAD to pick the headache piece!!” But then she heard it and converted.

I love the piano.

Second. After reading through Claviger’s screenplay, I was intrigued… I dug out an old short story that could use some touch-ups, and I think it’ll work just fine to turn into a screenplay. I’m eager to see how it stretches me—what it will require of me—what I will require of it. Keep a lookout for The Second Hatchling.

Third. I realized that I’d forgotten some situations that scarred me a couple years ago. And that forgetting allowed me to heal. I’m very thankful for that, but now that I’ve remembered I don’t want to forget where I’ve been.

Fourth. I wonder, why do we need reasons for everything? Why do we to some degree require order of our lives? Why does knowing a person’s motives change our opinion of their actions—whether their actions are right or wrong? What might it say about our natures?

Fifth. My rabbit came running to meet me yesterday—I was so happy that I jumped, and he ran away!

Sixth. I miss all you dear people most dreadfully. I love reading your blog posts and your emails—you seriously make my day. So thank you.

Seventh. I seemed to have failed, after all, to jumble this up—everything’s numbered! Botheration!

Eighth. My dad and I are looking for books about the history of the church—from apostolic times. Basically, we want to study how the church changed from Jesus’ day to ours—where all the denominations separated, etc. Do you know of any?

Ninth. Is anybody going to the Biola University Day? Anybody? Because there is a slight chance that I can go!

Tenth. As I was walking from the garage to the house tonight, a silver sparkle caught my eyes—the moonlight reflected off of the beautiful blue tiles on my mom’s new brick patio—shimmery, water-like: I stopped and stared. It was simply lovely.

Eleventh. I’m quite sure my mother will ask when I posted this.  Mommy, it is 9:43 PM, and I love you.

Twelfth. I don’t like Halloween. I don’t like scary Halloween movies, or how scary Halloween movies are the only things on TV on Halloween.

However, I love punkin-carving parties.

Thinking back on this, I probably should have made that thirteenth. Whatever…

May you have a sudden unexpected burst of joy and understanding—

The burd.

A Pink Kink In My Think

I think pink
And you think green
I wonder
Did God make us different colors?
Living color?


She turns red
And he is blue
A living rainbow
Made of souls of every hue
Living color?


...


Thinking about light, thinking about color... and how human nature correlates.

Light comes into our eyes in waves--longer waves produce certain colors while shorter waves result in others. Slight differences in frequency--how many times a wave oscillates per second--and wavelength--the length of one oscillation--drastically change the color of the light we see.

Pick a color--any color. I pick green. How many separate shades of green exist? How many types? They all differ, to some degree. But still something about them is the same.

I find certain similarities in humanity. Though all people think in generally the same manner, each individual thinks within his or her own "language"--the unique thought pattern deeply ingrained into each person's nature. "Languages" differ slightly according to different personalities.

I wonder: if we were able to see ourselves in a fresh manner--to see the entity of our being in a new dimension--might we each be distinctly different colors?

I think of louder personalities as orangey-reds, bubbly social butterflies as perky yellows, and quieter spirits as deep, dark blue. No two match exactly, but they may share similarities.

My dad gave me a strange look the other day as I was telling him a funny quip from a friend; apparently I was unconsciously copying this person's facial expressions, tones, and mannerisms quite accurately.

But that's how I relate; how we all must relate. I translate my thoughts to others' "languages"--even in email sometimes. For instance: tend to leave out the subjects of my sentences when talking with Claviger. And, like when I'm talking to like one of my rather like trendy friends, like I add all these like "likes" like into my sentences!!! (Not to mention the triple exclamation points...) Sometimes... I talk... slightly, um. Slower. AndothertimesItalktwentymillionwordsaminute.

It's as if I change the frequency, length, or pattern of my thoughts to match others' thoughts.

Sometimes people tell me just to be myself--to speak my own language. But I beg to differ. How in the world am I supposed to relate to anyone else if I don't speak their language? Not to demean the significance of knowing one's self--but what is the purpose of speech if it does not communicate something? And translating my rather scatterbrained thoughts into the method of someone else's thinking patterns usually benefits my own understanding of what I think.

Somewhat like tuning to the right radio frequency to get rid of the static.

So I wonder; am I losing sight of my own "language"? Am I supposed to, as I seek to understand God's thoughts? Does contact with others shape my "language"? Should or can I let it? What do you think?